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Friday, April 26, 2013

I Messages and Asking For Change





I messages communicate your wants, needs, and feelings in a respectful manner.  
  
I Messages-Asking for Change
·         Starting a sentence with an, I, conveys how a person feels or what they want; I feel mad that you take my toys.
·         Starting a sentence with YOU, assigns blame: You took my toys!

Start by practicing half of the sentence; I feel mad, when you 
take my toys.  On a separate occasion after the first section is
said smoothly, add the second part.  I feel mad, when you take  
my toys.  Can you please ask me first, and then you can use them.

    I Message Examples
    I feel mad, when you take my toys.
    Can you please ask me first, and then you can play with them.

    I feel frustrated, when you push me.
    Can you please stop pushing me, and then we can play/get along.

    I feel scared, when you yell at me.
    Can you please talk in a softer voice, and then I will try to pay attention when
    you are talking.    
  
    Response-Active Listening
    The next step is learning how to answer back with active listening.  If a person
    answers back in this manner, others will know you have heard them, and    
    understood what they are saying.  It works well to learn this in two sections.

    Response Examples
    You sound mad, that I took your toys.            
    Next time I will ask you first, and I'm sorry.                                

    You sound frustrated, because I pushed you.
    Next time I will not put my hands on you, and I take responsibility.

    You sound scared, that I was yelling.
    Next time I will talk softer, and I am sorry that I scared you  
                                                                                           

4 comments:

  1. What a great tool to give children! I didn't learn this until I was almost 30. I wonder how many feelings could have been saved had I been taught this from a young age! Thanks so much for the post.

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